LeBron James is about to find himself on the wrong end of a paragraph laced with Rocky Balboa references.
You've all seen the Rocky quint-ology - I know this because there's a 100-question multiple choice test for those who apply for my kinship. Those who passed with flying colors should immediately know the scene that jumped into my mind while watching Rajon Rondo slice the Cavaliers defense to ribbons on this lovely Mother's Day.
It's early in the Balboa-Drago fight, Rocky's stumbling on spaghetti legs back into a corner. The Big Russian is closing the space between Rocky and the turnbuckle, inching in for the kill, when Rocky lights up his jaw with a furious right. He cuts Drago, injures him, stuns him for the first time in the movie. For a brief second Drago looks like he can be beat, and this is the first time that Rocky realizes he is the only one who can beat Drago.
Within seconds, Rocky starts to pepper the Russian's facial features with haymaker after haymaker, and when Drago foolishly tries to choke our hero (through boxing gloves, really?) Rocky responds by hitting him with a double-A Spinebuster that would have made Arn Anderson smile.
As Rocky collapses into his corner, Mick's nameless replacement trainer shouts "Ya hurt him! He's not a machine. He's a man!"
When the clock read 00:00 in the Faux Boston Garden yesterday afternoon (I refuse to call it the TD-North whatever it is now), LeBron was the one bleeding for the first time.
And Rondo was smiling, hands stained in a beautiful shade of red.
Every so-called expert wrote off the Celtics when this series started. Despite the fact that the Cavs proved nothing in the first-round while the Celtics dismantled the Heat, the C's only loss coming at the hands of one of Dwayne Wade's best playoff performances ever. Despite the fact that this Celtics team starts three of the 30 best basketball players EVER and runs a point guard who is on the verge of becoming a super-duper star in this league. But hey, if Jalen Rose says Cavaliers in six, you've got to believe him. Right? (Pacers fans looking to defend Jalen Rose please hit the little "X" in the upper right hand of this blog now. I've no time for you.)
Here's an important piece of news boys and girls. Championship teams tend to have at least one or two tough-as-nails guys that pull the team together in tight spots to help them earn those rough, grind-em-0ut wins. The Cavaliers have Anderson Varajeo. Yeah...
This Cavaliers are the Ivan Dragos of this year's playoffs. They can't recover when someone figures out that they aren't invincible. At least not on a game-to-game basis. The Cavs waltzed through this season, and last season, because LeBron could beat almost any team not named the Celtics, Magic, Lakers or Thunder with his aura. His resume and sheer ability had most teams wetting themselves an hour before tip off.
And when that didn't work. When a team didn't collapse under his alleged greatness after the first 12 minutes ... well the Cavs then tend to find themselves in trouble.
Look no further than this Celtics series for the proof. Boston should be up 3-1.
Game 1 - Boston leaps out to an 11-point lead, LeBron looks tentative about his elbow injury/bone bruise thing, and Cleveland looks flat and stomach-punched through 24 minutes. The Cavs get smart in the 3rd quarter though, Mo Williams starts to run the floor realizing only the speedy Rondo can keep pace, the Celtics wilt like the older generation-past team they are accused of being, and Cleveland outscores their guests by 19 in the 2nd half to take Game 1. This one would seem to defy my theory except...
Game 2 - The same thing happens! Cleveland can't pull away early and this time the 3rd quarter is a Celtics shooting gallery where they outscore the Cleveland Paper Tigers 31-12. Rondo ties the incredible Bob Cousy's team playoff assists record at 19. Cleveland does surge late by the way, but as we will see again in Game 4, they don't have the toughness and grit to finish the run. Celts win 104-86.
Game 3 - LeBron gets pissed, Cleveland comes out with their Shamrock-stomping boots on and never look back, blowing the Celtics out the door for a 2-1 advantage.
Game 4 - Boston surges out and ahead, Cleveland rolls back to break even into the fourth. And this is where the tough physical team takes the edge. LeBron gets stripped by Tony Allen early and Boston is up four. Kendrick Perkins starts playing more physically than the Cavs entire front line. Anderson Varajeo starts shooting 20-foot jumpers that he can't hit in warm ups. LeBron falls in love with that long-bomber from three mentality (LeBron 3Pt-Shooting in Game 4? 0-5. Jamison? 0-3. That's great when your top 2 scoring options go Zero-for-the-game from deep).
When you force the Cavaliers to rally late, the wheels come off. Varajeo thinks he's Garnett or Pau Gasol shooting baseline jumpers. LeBron puts up those all-or-nothing off-balance three pointers. Shaq fouls out. They don't have gritty hustle players except for Varajeo, who is such an offensive liability that it almost negates the intangibles he brings on defense.
Meanwhile the Celtics have Glen "Big Baby/Ticket Stub/No 7th Man Should Have This Many Nicknames" Davis scoring four quick points to widen the gap early in the quarter. Rondo is hustling to offensive rebounds and nailing put backs to ice the game late while Mo Williams saunters around the circle instead of crashing the boards.
We've got plenty of series to go, and the Celtics do need to win a second game in the Quicken Loans arena where the Cavs are tough to beat. But between Rondo's arrival as the 4th superstar in the Celtics starting five and the gash opened up on the Cavs once-invincible visage, it would no longer be a shock to see a Conference Finals that travels through Beantown.
Well, there are three other series...
Suns def. Spurs 4-0
Phoenix has always been scary for one pretty simple, obvious reason: Nash-to-Stoudemire.
Well that's still there. Except now the Suns know how to play defense because Alvin Gentry is not a one-dimensional coach like a certain ex-Suns/now-Knicks guru named Mike D'Antoni (Damn it) and they have a deep/dangerous bench that includes Channing Frye, Goran Dragic (who won Game 3 by himself) and Louis Almundson. The matchup between Phoenix and the Lakers 2nd unit in the Conference Finals could tilt that series when it happens, but I'll save that breakdown for my prediction column sometime later this week.
And is the last stand for a veteran Spurs' squad that has been so much fun to watch for nearly a decade?
The Parker-Duncan-Ginobli core, albeit older, will stick around, and they have some talented young reinforcements in George Hill and DeJuan Blair (steal of the '09 draft). But we all knew despite Popovich's leadership and Duncan/Parker's near indomitable will to win games, this team was gonna suffer as the 7-game series went on. They needed to knock out Dallas in 5, buy time to rest, and find a way to send the Suns through a time machine so they could bring their 2009 suspect defense and chemistry issues into this year's tilt.
Scary thought #1 for the 2010-11 Season: If the Thunder continue to improve (Definitely happening), the Blazers stay healthy (very possible) and Memphis gets five or six games better (coin-flip, but possible) could we see the Spurs finish 9th out West and out of the tournament come 2011?
Lakers lead Jazz 3-0
I am really having a hard time believing Utah lost game 3 in Salt Lake City ... but I guess I shouldn't. You knew that the loss of Okur and the Kirilenko injury were going to absolutely kill Sloan's Jazz when they faced a team with speedy, long big men. And they don't make 'em much better than Gasol-Bynum and Odom.
It's really tough to watch Deron Williams (the best point guard in the league until Chris Paul stays healthy and/or Rondo improves his three-point shooting) continue to bang his head against a Kobe-sized wall, but Utah just can't beat the Lakers in a seven-game series. Okur is gone and AK is still nursing that calf injury, so they just can't stretch the floor and create room for Boozer to work in the low post. Millsap is a great sixth man, but he's only 6'9, and the combo of three seven-footers is just lethal for this otherwise talented Jazz squad who really deserve a Conference Finals appearance one of these years. They just need one season where they end up far away from L.A. in the bracket
Magic lead Hawks 3-0
Did Joe Johnson just play himself out of a max contract? Or did someone kidnap him and replace him with the ability Basketball IQ of Darko Milicic? The Hawks have just completely come apart at the seams since the season ended. They barely survived a Milwaukee Bucks team that was down its two best players (Bogut/Redd) and ran a starting line up of Brandon Jennings-John Salmons-Carlos Delfino-Luc Richard Mbah a Moute and Kurt Thomas. Mind you, Dan Gadzuric got significant playing time during this series. DAN FREAKING GADZURIC! AND THIS SERIES STILL WENT SEVEN GAMES? EXCUSE ME, I need to go huff paint and then realize Brandon Jennings might have been able to make the Knicks an 8 or even a 7-seed when I look at that line up and realize we could replace Delfino, Mbah A Moute and Kurt Thomas with Danilo Gallinari, Wilson Chandler and David Lee. Wow.
Anyway, the Hawks maybe push this to five, simply because Josh Smith has a tendency to explode when his back is against a wall, but man did these Hawks die off. And how good is Orlando playing? Likely to be 8-0 or 8-1 when they draw a banged-up Cleveland team whose confidence is irreparably shook? Or they get a tired, run-down veteran Celtics squad tasked with winnings its second-straight slug fest with a top-tier contender.
Look at those Position matchups:
Magic-Cavaliers:
PG: Jameer Nelson (ORL) over Mo Williams (CLE)
SG: Vince Carter (ORL) over Anthony Parker (CLE)
SF: LeBron James (CLE) over Matt Barnes (ORL)
PF: Antwan Jamison (CLE)/Rashard Lewis (ORL) - Push
C: Dwight Howard (ORL) over Shaq (CLE)
Orlando wins 3-1-1 by position, and has a far superior bench. Oh and the only position they win, small forward with LeBron, is a double-edged sword. Since Matt Barnes is in Orlando for the same reason Ron Artest is in L.A., as a defensive/mind game specialist meant to drive LeBron freaking nuts. Now Barnes has the added benefit of the LeBron elbow drama to focus his special set of skills on.
Let's look at the matchups for the series I really really, F$@%!$%!ing really want to see:
Celtics-Magic
PG: Jameer Nelson(ORL)/Rajon Rondo (BOS) - Push
SG: Ray Allen (BOS)/Vince Carter (ORL) - Push
SF: Paul Pierce (BOS) over Matt Barnes (ORL)
PF: Kevin Garnett (BOS) over Rashard Lewis (ORL)
C: Dwight Howard (ORL) over Kendrick Perkins (BOS)
Carter could of course, come alive and destroy Ray Allen, and Nelson/Rondo both have the ability to take their game to a mind-boggling other level. Watching Rondo undress the Heat's PG-by-committee of Carlos Arroyo/Mario Chalmers in Round 1, while Ja-Miracle did a similar "This is Pulp Fiction and you're Ving Rhames" routine on Raymond Felton, reminds us that either of these guys could kill the other on any given night.
Barnes would drive Pierce insane, but Pierce will still likely score 20 PPG.. Dwight has a huge advantage over Perkins, yet Garnett could clamp down Lewis' ability to stretch the floor. Do you not understand why I want this series yet? The Magic should logically dissect the Cavaliers. Flay them alive. Sell their vital organs to crazy James Bond villains who want to use them for nefarious schemes! But Boston-Orlando should go seven games. And there could be blood. And Nate Robinson could dunk over Dwight Howard to decide a Conference Championship! (of course Nate would first have to find his way out of Doc Rivers doghouse, and there's a better chance that he finds me a Knicks fan who wants an Eddy Curry autograph. And if that fan exists, I will immediately find him and leave an M-80 in his mailbox.)
************
This is all moot for now. All we all need to be aware of is that Boston-Cleveland can, and likely will go the distance. LeBron Drago is staggering, and bleeding. Rondo is eating thunder and crapping lightning. He knows LeBron's not a machine. He hurt him. Now he's got to finish him.
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
The NBA: Where Blogs Coming Back To Life Happens Part 1
I have a suggestion for all those people who complain that the first round of the NBA Playoffs isn't all that exciting...
You ready?
Wait for it....
It's revolutionary. It's the best thing since those little Greek Yogurts I keep wolfing down to stop smoking/eating the leftover Chinese that's singing a siren song to me from the fridge...
Ok, here we go: You guys should really watch the first round of the NBA Playoffs. There are more story lines going on here than the final season of Lost. (Imaginary Editor's Note: James has no intention of ever watching Lost, he's just assuming the show is still confusing).
Seriously, if you do a team-by-team breakdown, all 16 teams are playing for consequences that go way beyond hoisting the giant golden nacho dip bucket at the end of June (If you haven't seen that Lamar Odom commercial yet, here it is, enjoy:
Between a potentially loaded NBA Draft and a blockbuster free agent class, the landscape is going to shift dramatically before the 2010-2011 season tips off next November, so what happens in these playoffs could go a long way into shaping the future of the hardwood as we currently know it. So without further YouTube video embeds, here we go:
Eastern Conference:
No. 1 Cleveland Cavaliers
Regular Season: 61-21
Last Season: Lost Eastern Conference Finals to Orlando 4-1
Objectives:
- Avenge Disappointing Stomping at Hands of Magic Last Year
- Win Title to keep His LeBron-Ness Happy
- Get LeBron a title to further ramp up already silly comparisons of LeBron to MJ
There isn't a more perfect example of a team playing for 2011 than the Cavs. The Summer Free Agent class is the LeBron sweepstakes and Cleveland can retain the inside track as long as they at least get to the Finals and give us a chance at a LeBron-Kobe series, both saving their franchise and justifying those Most Valuable Puppet Commercials! (Imaginary Editor's Note: I LOVE commercials, so does Carmelo Anthony apparently, more on that later)
LeBron still needs a legitimate Pippen to his Jordan to be fully content to continue to use the Quicken Loans Arena as his base of operations for years to come. A Cavs Finals-trip proves he's got the tools for now, but let's be real here - his only young-ish second options are Mo Williams and J.J. Hickson, and Hickson doesn't have the chops too be the second-player in lethal inside/outside combo yet. Mo Williams is, obviously, a point guard.
Shaq and Antwan Jamison are both in their mid-30s, and we all know Anderson Varajeo's only offensive low post move is to step on your foot, spin and flop in the hopes of drawing a foul. Anything short of the NBA Finals or even an EXTREMELY close loss to the Magic in the Conference Finals puts Cleveland's chances of nailing down LeBron for another three or four years in serious jeopardy. They could make a big splash and land Amar'e or Chris Bosh about 12 seconds into free agency, but how deep Cleveland runs in these playoffs could alter their franchise for years to come.
No. 2 Orlando Magic
Regular Season: 59-23
Last Year: Lost to Lakers in Finals 4-1
Objectives:
- Get Dwight his first ring and launch him closer to discussion of all-time elite centers
- Salvage any hopes Vince Carter has at having a legacy
For a team that has one of my favorite point guards in Jameer Nelson, that plays with so much energy that you can't help but like them, and even has the winner of the Steve Buscemi "I'm Going to Get My Ass Pounded into Chicken Tandori But I'll Fight The Whole Bar" Award in Matt Barnes ... there isn't a whole lot of drama surrounding the Magic, at least not of the franchise-altering variety.
Why is that? No one is going anywhere in free agency. Dwight is locked in, Rashard Lewis is in Year 17 of his 3,546-year cabal with the Magic (I still don't know, I mean shy of black magic, bribery or sexual favors, how his agent managed to swing a six-year $100M-plus sign-and-trade) and Jameer Nelson isn't going anywhere. You're core is set.
However Orlando still has a lot to prove, because everyone has talked this team down since their utter thrashing by Kobe and Co. last June, so here are some fun questions Orlando can answer by knocking of LeBron again and reaching the Finals:
A. Is Dwight too soft to be the big man for a championship team?
B. Is Stan Van Gundy really the "master of panic" and incapable of coaching a title squad?
C. Can Vince Carter actually help this team, which previously had 0 chemistry issues?
No. 3 Atlanta Hawks
Regular Season: 53-29
Last Year: Lost to Celtics 4-0 in 2nd Round
Objectives:
- Prove you really belong in the Eastern Conference's elite by shocking Orlando in Round 2 and reaching the Conference Finals, in turn finding a way to keep Joe Johnson
Sorry, I had to stop. I just said Eastern Conference elite, I had to pause for ironic laughter. That's like being the smartest girl in Bensonhurst. And I'm allowed to make that joke, I used to live in Bensonhurst. I met at least five girls who would have made fine ex-wives there.
Anyway, before someone from grammar school finds out my current address, Atlanta, much like Cleveland, has a lot more than title aspirations riding on these Playoffs. Another crushing second round defeat will end with Joe Johnson running out the door for either New York or Chicago. And while I'd love my woeful Knicks to snag JJ, that claim doesn't come entirely from hometown bias.
Johnson is a smart guy who is fully aware of how talented he is. In four years he took the Hawks from a non-contender to a 50-plus win team and the third best record in the conference. He forced the Suns not to match his offer when he was a restricted free agent, because he wasn't reaching his full potential in the Suns star-studded lineup and wanted to be the top dog. He would still be the top dog with the Bulls or Knicks and both those franchises could have some upside, while many consider third banana in the East to be the ceiling for the Hawks. Atlanta was fortunate enough to draw a battered Bucks squad in Round 1. They need to put them away convincingly and shock Orlando in Round 2 to prove that ceiling can be shattered.
No. 4 Boston Celtics
Regular Season: 50-32
Last Year: Lost To Orlando 4-2 in Round 2
Objectives:
- Make something of their last gasp chance to be a top dog.
Said it back in 2008, saying it again now. The Celtics moves to get Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to play alongside Paul Piece were brilliant, but they were also extremely short-sighted. That was an all-in and Boston hit the flush on the river, snagging the '08 Title. And in the past two years they have suffered through a litany of injuries, are lacking in the youth department. They don't have any significant money to be a player in the upcoming free agency class, thanks to the silly cash they threw at Rasheed Wallace (Imaginary Editor's Note: Sheed's only real accomplishment of the season? Becoming relevant again so I could yell "Cut That Check" at people). Between Garnett's knees, and Pierce and Allen's body, this team is out of time and out of IcyHot after these playoffs.
When they are clicking on all cylinders, I like these guys to put the fear of God in anyone, including the LeBrons. But, if they don't make noise this season, it proves that 2008 was an all-or-nothing flash of greatness that is going to leave this team muddling around the 35-40 win mark, if that, in a couple of seasons. When the "Big Three" succumb to injury and age, this squad id left with its younger contingent - Rajon Rondo (All-Star for at least the next six seasons in a row), Kendrick Perkins (role-playing starting center who is an offensive liability), Nate Robinson (head case) Glen Davis (inconsistent) and Marquis Daniels (he's got dreads, no one else in the city of Boston does, and that's all anyone knows about him). Rondo jumps ship and Boston is back to a perennial non-entity, so they need to show something here to keep their fan base from going all kinds of funny-accent crazy in the next five seasons.
No. 5 Miami Heat
Regular Season: 47-35
Last Year: Lost to Atlanta By Seven in Round 1
Objectives:
- Keep Dwayne Wade/Recruit another Max Free Agent
It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Things are pretty cut-and-dry in Miami. The Heat have the same issue as the Cavs, Dwayne Wade needs a second weapon to work with if the Heat are going to ever make a Finals Run again. A starting five of Carlos Arroyo, Michael Beasley, Joel Anthony/Jermaine O'Neal and Quentin Richardson does not a champion make.
So Miami can do one of two things: Strike the death blow to an aging Celtics squad and setup a superstar Wade-LBJ match up in Round 2 that entices a max free agent big man (Bosh, Amar'e or even David Lee) to say "They're one piece away from being a top-tier team. I'm that piece! And they have lots of money! I like money!" Cue Will Smith singing that dumb ass bubble gum rap song he wrote about Miami four score and seven years ago and Wade's got a partner and the Heat are scary again.
OR....
Wade and company get waxed by a (when healthy) vastly superior Boston team and Chicago takes Cleveland 12 rounds in their series, enticing Wade to team up with Derrick Rose this Summer and make the Bulls scary again.
Either way I lose, because two of the three teams I grew up hating likely start next year with a guy named Dwayne Wade on their team. Thankfully, God is Good, and the Pacers still suck.
No. 6 Milwaukee Bucks
Regular Season: 46-36
Last Year: Did not make playoffs
Objectives:
- Survive as long as they can and become Cinderella fodder.
Unfortunately, any and all fun story lines for this time were broken into little bits and pieces along with Andrew Bogut's arm ... and elbow ... and shoulder. Christ, that was a horrific injury wasn't it? That was like Quentin Tarantino death scene horrific. I think if I listened to "Stuck In The Middle With You" and brandished a switchblade while watching that Bogut crash and burn, it might make more sense....
I digress. No Bogut. No Mike Redd, and this team still grabbed the six seed. The reward? A Hawks squad they absolutely won't beat. If they finished fifth and faced off with Boston in a "Thank God for Obama care" battle of the Walking Wounded, it would have been fun. If Milwaukee had any money to give anyone in this free agent class, it would have been fun. Their only real hope for the off-season? Scare Atlanta, and by scare I mean at least make this thing go six games, and maybe find a way to entice the Grizzlies into a sign-and-trade with Rudy Gay for Redd, because that boy can't stay healthy. "Fear The Deer!"
No. 7 Charlotte Bobcats
Regular Season: 44-38
Last Year: Did not qualify
Objectives:
- Crap. They're trying to screw with my premise here...
No. Charlotte doesn't have a storyline. They made the playoffs, and they are going to soon punt Michael Jordan back to retirement because he's a dumpster fire of a general manager. But that's really the only storyline. They could go on a crazy run and win the title if aliens attack the Looney Tunes again and steal the skills of LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Amar'e Stoudemire, Jason Kidd, Steve Nash, Deron Williams, and Carmelo Anthony for Space Jam 2 ... but that's about it. The Bobcats ARE NOT going to beat the Magic. Period. This is a 16 vs. 1 in the NCAA Tournament, and the 'Cats don't really have much to do this off-season in terms of a free agency. Thank You Michael Jordan once again. You ruined the Ewing-era Knicks and my childhood, and now you're fucking up my first blog back in months. I despise you.
No. 8 Chicago Bulls
Regular Season: 41-41
Last Season: Lost to Boston 4-3 in Round 1
Objectives:
- Look good enough to entice a big name in the off-season
Joakim Noah can talk big. Derrick Rose can play big, and if the Bulls can keep playing the Cavs tough like they did in Game 2 of their series Monday night, they will be far and away the team with the biggest upside entering the 2010 Free Agent sweepstakes with big money.
Chicago has the easiest way to do it too. They don't have to win a series. They aren't supposed to beat Cleveland. They just need to take two games, scare them, convince someone like Joe Johnson that they have the chops to be a top four team in the East next year and can be a title contender for years to come (they can/they do). Rose and Noah are both young, extremely talented guys and Taj Gibson is one of the more under-appreciated rookies this season. Also, lets not forget, former Texas A&M standout Acie Law is on this squad, and he could explode at any season. You put a Bosh here and move Gibson to the Sixth man role (which, admittedly, would hurt Noah's growth) or put Joe Johnson in place of Deng, and you have a seriously terrifying team here. The Bulls just need to win two games, or even win one and hang tough in the others, to make that terror a reality.
Tomorrow, we'll hit up the Western Conference plot lines, and I'll have some random musings from the first few days of the playoffs, including a litany of insults for Quentin Richardson.
Til Then
- James
You ready?
Wait for it....
It's revolutionary. It's the best thing since those little Greek Yogurts I keep wolfing down to stop smoking/eating the leftover Chinese that's singing a siren song to me from the fridge...
Ok, here we go: You guys should really watch the first round of the NBA Playoffs. There are more story lines going on here than the final season of Lost. (Imaginary Editor's Note: James has no intention of ever watching Lost, he's just assuming the show is still confusing).
Seriously, if you do a team-by-team breakdown, all 16 teams are playing for consequences that go way beyond hoisting the giant golden nacho dip bucket at the end of June (If you haven't seen that Lamar Odom commercial yet, here it is, enjoy:
Between a potentially loaded NBA Draft and a blockbuster free agent class, the landscape is going to shift dramatically before the 2010-2011 season tips off next November, so what happens in these playoffs could go a long way into shaping the future of the hardwood as we currently know it. So without further YouTube video embeds, here we go:
Eastern Conference:
No. 1 Cleveland Cavaliers
Regular Season: 61-21
Last Season: Lost Eastern Conference Finals to Orlando 4-1
Objectives:
- Avenge Disappointing Stomping at Hands of Magic Last Year
- Win Title to keep His LeBron-Ness Happy
- Get LeBron a title to further ramp up already silly comparisons of LeBron to MJ
There isn't a more perfect example of a team playing for 2011 than the Cavs. The Summer Free Agent class is the LeBron sweepstakes and Cleveland can retain the inside track as long as they at least get to the Finals and give us a chance at a LeBron-Kobe series, both saving their franchise and justifying those Most Valuable Puppet Commercials! (Imaginary Editor's Note: I LOVE commercials, so does Carmelo Anthony apparently, more on that later)
LeBron still needs a legitimate Pippen to his Jordan to be fully content to continue to use the Quicken Loans Arena as his base of operations for years to come. A Cavs Finals-trip proves he's got the tools for now, but let's be real here - his only young-ish second options are Mo Williams and J.J. Hickson, and Hickson doesn't have the chops too be the second-player in lethal inside/outside combo yet. Mo Williams is, obviously, a point guard.
Shaq and Antwan Jamison are both in their mid-30s, and we all know Anderson Varajeo's only offensive low post move is to step on your foot, spin and flop in the hopes of drawing a foul. Anything short of the NBA Finals or even an EXTREMELY close loss to the Magic in the Conference Finals puts Cleveland's chances of nailing down LeBron for another three or four years in serious jeopardy. They could make a big splash and land Amar'e or Chris Bosh about 12 seconds into free agency, but how deep Cleveland runs in these playoffs could alter their franchise for years to come.
No. 2 Orlando Magic
Regular Season: 59-23
Last Year: Lost to Lakers in Finals 4-1
Objectives:
- Get Dwight his first ring and launch him closer to discussion of all-time elite centers
- Salvage any hopes Vince Carter has at having a legacy
For a team that has one of my favorite point guards in Jameer Nelson, that plays with so much energy that you can't help but like them, and even has the winner of the Steve Buscemi "I'm Going to Get My Ass Pounded into Chicken Tandori But I'll Fight The Whole Bar" Award in Matt Barnes ... there isn't a whole lot of drama surrounding the Magic, at least not of the franchise-altering variety.
Why is that? No one is going anywhere in free agency. Dwight is locked in, Rashard Lewis is in Year 17 of his 3,546-year cabal with the Magic (I still don't know, I mean shy of black magic, bribery or sexual favors, how his agent managed to swing a six-year $100M-plus sign-and-trade) and Jameer Nelson isn't going anywhere. You're core is set.
However Orlando still has a lot to prove, because everyone has talked this team down since their utter thrashing by Kobe and Co. last June, so here are some fun questions Orlando can answer by knocking of LeBron again and reaching the Finals:
A. Is Dwight too soft to be the big man for a championship team?
B. Is Stan Van Gundy really the "master of panic" and incapable of coaching a title squad?
C. Can Vince Carter actually help this team, which previously had 0 chemistry issues?
No. 3 Atlanta Hawks
Regular Season: 53-29
Last Year: Lost to Celtics 4-0 in 2nd Round
Objectives:
- Prove you really belong in the Eastern Conference's elite by shocking Orlando in Round 2 and reaching the Conference Finals, in turn finding a way to keep Joe Johnson
Sorry, I had to stop. I just said Eastern Conference elite, I had to pause for ironic laughter. That's like being the smartest girl in Bensonhurst. And I'm allowed to make that joke, I used to live in Bensonhurst. I met at least five girls who would have made fine ex-wives there.
Anyway, before someone from grammar school finds out my current address, Atlanta, much like Cleveland, has a lot more than title aspirations riding on these Playoffs. Another crushing second round defeat will end with Joe Johnson running out the door for either New York or Chicago. And while I'd love my woeful Knicks to snag JJ, that claim doesn't come entirely from hometown bias.
Johnson is a smart guy who is fully aware of how talented he is. In four years he took the Hawks from a non-contender to a 50-plus win team and the third best record in the conference. He forced the Suns not to match his offer when he was a restricted free agent, because he wasn't reaching his full potential in the Suns star-studded lineup and wanted to be the top dog. He would still be the top dog with the Bulls or Knicks and both those franchises could have some upside, while many consider third banana in the East to be the ceiling for the Hawks. Atlanta was fortunate enough to draw a battered Bucks squad in Round 1. They need to put them away convincingly and shock Orlando in Round 2 to prove that ceiling can be shattered.
No. 4 Boston Celtics
Regular Season: 50-32
Last Year: Lost To Orlando 4-2 in Round 2
Objectives:
- Make something of their last gasp chance to be a top dog.
Said it back in 2008, saying it again now. The Celtics moves to get Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to play alongside Paul Piece were brilliant, but they were also extremely short-sighted. That was an all-in and Boston hit the flush on the river, snagging the '08 Title. And in the past two years they have suffered through a litany of injuries, are lacking in the youth department. They don't have any significant money to be a player in the upcoming free agency class, thanks to the silly cash they threw at Rasheed Wallace (Imaginary Editor's Note: Sheed's only real accomplishment of the season? Becoming relevant again so I could yell "Cut That Check" at people). Between Garnett's knees, and Pierce and Allen's body, this team is out of time and out of IcyHot after these playoffs.
When they are clicking on all cylinders, I like these guys to put the fear of God in anyone, including the LeBrons. But, if they don't make noise this season, it proves that 2008 was an all-or-nothing flash of greatness that is going to leave this team muddling around the 35-40 win mark, if that, in a couple of seasons. When the "Big Three" succumb to injury and age, this squad id left with its younger contingent - Rajon Rondo (All-Star for at least the next six seasons in a row), Kendrick Perkins (role-playing starting center who is an offensive liability), Nate Robinson (head case) Glen Davis (inconsistent) and Marquis Daniels (he's got dreads, no one else in the city of Boston does, and that's all anyone knows about him). Rondo jumps ship and Boston is back to a perennial non-entity, so they need to show something here to keep their fan base from going all kinds of funny-accent crazy in the next five seasons.
No. 5 Miami Heat
Regular Season: 47-35
Last Year: Lost to Atlanta By Seven in Round 1
Objectives:
- Keep Dwayne Wade/Recruit another Max Free Agent
It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Things are pretty cut-and-dry in Miami. The Heat have the same issue as the Cavs, Dwayne Wade needs a second weapon to work with if the Heat are going to ever make a Finals Run again. A starting five of Carlos Arroyo, Michael Beasley, Joel Anthony/Jermaine O'Neal and Quentin Richardson does not a champion make.
So Miami can do one of two things: Strike the death blow to an aging Celtics squad and setup a superstar Wade-LBJ match up in Round 2 that entices a max free agent big man (Bosh, Amar'e or even David Lee) to say "They're one piece away from being a top-tier team. I'm that piece! And they have lots of money! I like money!" Cue Will Smith singing that dumb ass bubble gum rap song he wrote about Miami four score and seven years ago and Wade's got a partner and the Heat are scary again.
OR....
Wade and company get waxed by a (when healthy) vastly superior Boston team and Chicago takes Cleveland 12 rounds in their series, enticing Wade to team up with Derrick Rose this Summer and make the Bulls scary again.
Either way I lose, because two of the three teams I grew up hating likely start next year with a guy named Dwayne Wade on their team. Thankfully, God is Good, and the Pacers still suck.
No. 6 Milwaukee Bucks
Regular Season: 46-36
Last Year: Did not make playoffs
Objectives:
- Survive as long as they can and become Cinderella fodder.
Unfortunately, any and all fun story lines for this time were broken into little bits and pieces along with Andrew Bogut's arm ... and elbow ... and shoulder. Christ, that was a horrific injury wasn't it? That was like Quentin Tarantino death scene horrific. I think if I listened to "Stuck In The Middle With You" and brandished a switchblade while watching that Bogut crash and burn, it might make more sense....
I digress. No Bogut. No Mike Redd, and this team still grabbed the six seed. The reward? A Hawks squad they absolutely won't beat. If they finished fifth and faced off with Boston in a "Thank God for Obama care" battle of the Walking Wounded, it would have been fun. If Milwaukee had any money to give anyone in this free agent class, it would have been fun. Their only real hope for the off-season? Scare Atlanta, and by scare I mean at least make this thing go six games, and maybe find a way to entice the Grizzlies into a sign-and-trade with Rudy Gay for Redd, because that boy can't stay healthy. "Fear The Deer!"
No. 7 Charlotte Bobcats
Regular Season: 44-38
Last Year: Did not qualify
Objectives:
- Crap. They're trying to screw with my premise here...
No. Charlotte doesn't have a storyline. They made the playoffs, and they are going to soon punt Michael Jordan back to retirement because he's a dumpster fire of a general manager. But that's really the only storyline. They could go on a crazy run and win the title if aliens attack the Looney Tunes again and steal the skills of LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Amar'e Stoudemire, Jason Kidd, Steve Nash, Deron Williams, and Carmelo Anthony for Space Jam 2 ... but that's about it. The Bobcats ARE NOT going to beat the Magic. Period. This is a 16 vs. 1 in the NCAA Tournament, and the 'Cats don't really have much to do this off-season in terms of a free agency. Thank You Michael Jordan once again. You ruined the Ewing-era Knicks and my childhood, and now you're fucking up my first blog back in months. I despise you.
No. 8 Chicago Bulls
Regular Season: 41-41
Last Season: Lost to Boston 4-3 in Round 1
Objectives:
- Look good enough to entice a big name in the off-season
Joakim Noah can talk big. Derrick Rose can play big, and if the Bulls can keep playing the Cavs tough like they did in Game 2 of their series Monday night, they will be far and away the team with the biggest upside entering the 2010 Free Agent sweepstakes with big money.
Chicago has the easiest way to do it too. They don't have to win a series. They aren't supposed to beat Cleveland. They just need to take two games, scare them, convince someone like Joe Johnson that they have the chops to be a top four team in the East next year and can be a title contender for years to come (they can/they do). Rose and Noah are both young, extremely talented guys and Taj Gibson is one of the more under-appreciated rookies this season. Also, lets not forget, former Texas A&M standout Acie Law is on this squad, and he could explode at any season. You put a Bosh here and move Gibson to the Sixth man role (which, admittedly, would hurt Noah's growth) or put Joe Johnson in place of Deng, and you have a seriously terrifying team here. The Bulls just need to win two games, or even win one and hang tough in the others, to make that terror a reality.
Tomorrow, we'll hit up the Western Conference plot lines, and I'll have some random musings from the first few days of the playoffs, including a litany of insults for Quentin Richardson.
Til Then
- James
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