The NBA: Where Blogs Coming Back To Life Happens Part 1

I have a suggestion for all those people who complain that the first round of the NBA Playoffs isn't all that exciting...

You ready?

Wait for it....

It's revolutionary. It's the best thing since those little Greek Yogurts I keep wolfing down to stop smoking/eating the leftover Chinese that's singing a siren song to me from the fridge...

Ok, here we go: You guys should really watch the first round of the NBA Playoffs. There are more story lines going on here than the final season of Lost. (Imaginary Editor's Note: James has no intention of ever watching Lost, he's just assuming the show is still confusing).

Seriously, if you do a team-by-team breakdown, all 16 teams are playing for consequences that go way beyond hoisting the giant golden nacho dip bucket at the end of June (If you haven't seen that Lamar Odom commercial yet, here it is, enjoy:


Between a potentially loaded NBA Draft and a blockbuster free agent class, the landscape is going to shift dramatically before the 2010-2011 season tips off next November, so what happens in these playoffs could go a long way into shaping the future of the hardwood as we currently know it. So without further YouTube video embeds, here we go:

Eastern Conference:
No. 1 Cleveland Cavaliers
Regular Season: 61-21
Last Season: Lost Eastern Conference Finals to Orlando 4-1
Objectives:
- Avenge Disappointing Stomping at Hands of Magic Last Year
- Win Title to keep His LeBron-Ness Happy
- Get LeBron a title to further ramp up already silly comparisons of LeBron to MJ

There isn't a more perfect example of a team playing for 2011 than the Cavs. The Summer Free Agent class is the LeBron sweepstakes and Cleveland can retain the inside track as long as they at least get to the Finals and give us a chance at a LeBron-Kobe series, both saving their franchise and justifying those Most Valuable Puppet Commercials! (Imaginary Editor's Note: I LOVE commercials, so does Carmelo Anthony apparently, more on that later)

LeBron still needs a legitimate Pippen to his Jordan to be fully content to continue to use the Quicken Loans Arena as his base of operations for years to come. A Cavs Finals-trip proves he's got the tools for now, but let's be real here - his only young-ish second options are Mo Williams and J.J. Hickson, and Hickson doesn't have the chops too be the second-player in lethal inside/outside combo yet. Mo Williams is, obviously, a point guard.

Shaq and Antwan Jamison are both in their mid-30s, and we all know Anderson Varajeo's only offensive low post move is to step on your foot, spin and flop in the hopes of drawing a foul. Anything short of the NBA Finals or even an EXTREMELY close loss to the Magic in the Conference Finals puts Cleveland's chances of nailing down LeBron for another three or four years in serious jeopardy. They could make a big splash and land Amar'e or Chris Bosh about 12 seconds into free agency, but how deep Cleveland runs in these playoffs could alter their franchise for years to come.

No. 2 Orlando Magic
Regular Season: 59-23
Last Year: Lost to Lakers in Finals 4-1
Objectives:
- Get Dwight his first ring and launch him closer to discussion of all-time elite centers
- Salvage any hopes Vince Carter has at having a legacy

For a team that has one of my favorite point guards in Jameer Nelson, that plays with so much energy that you can't help but like them, and even has the winner of the Steve Buscemi "I'm Going to Get My Ass Pounded into Chicken Tandori But I'll Fight The Whole Bar" Award in Matt Barnes ... there isn't a whole lot of drama surrounding the Magic, at least not of the franchise-altering variety.

Why is that? No one is going anywhere in free agency. Dwight is locked in, Rashard Lewis is in Year 17 of his 3,546-year cabal with the Magic (I still don't know, I mean shy of black magic, bribery or sexual favors, how his agent managed to swing a six-year $100M-plus sign-and-trade) and Jameer Nelson isn't going anywhere. You're core is set.

However Orlando still has a lot to prove, because everyone has talked this team down since their utter thrashing by Kobe and Co. last June, so here are some fun questions Orlando can answer by knocking of LeBron again and reaching the Finals:
A. Is Dwight too soft to be the big man for a championship team?
B. Is Stan Van Gundy really the "master of panic" and incapable of coaching a title squad?
C. Can Vince Carter actually help this team, which previously had 0 chemistry issues?

No. 3 Atlanta Hawks
Regular Season: 53-29
Last Year: Lost to Celtics 4-0 in 2nd Round
Objectives:
- Prove you really belong in the Eastern Conference's elite by shocking Orlando in Round 2 and reaching the Conference Finals, in turn finding a way to keep Joe Johnson

Sorry, I had to stop. I just said Eastern Conference elite, I had to pause for ironic laughter. That's like being the smartest girl in Bensonhurst. And I'm allowed to make that joke, I used to live in Bensonhurst. I met at least five girls who would have made fine ex-wives there.

Anyway, before someone from grammar school finds out my current address, Atlanta, much like Cleveland, has a lot more than title aspirations riding on these Playoffs. Another crushing second round defeat will end with Joe Johnson running out the door for either New York or Chicago. And while I'd love my woeful Knicks to snag JJ, that claim doesn't come entirely from hometown bias.

Johnson is a smart guy who is fully aware of how talented he is. In four years he took the Hawks from a non-contender to a 50-plus win team and the third best record in the conference. He forced the Suns not to match his offer when he was a restricted free agent, because he wasn't reaching his full potential in the Suns star-studded lineup and wanted to be the top dog. He would still be the top dog with the Bulls or Knicks and both those franchises could have some upside, while many consider third banana in the East to be the ceiling for the Hawks. Atlanta was fortunate enough to draw a battered Bucks squad in Round 1. They need to put them away convincingly and shock Orlando in Round 2 to prove that ceiling can be shattered.

No. 4 Boston Celtics
Regular Season: 50-32
Last Year: Lost To Orlando 4-2 in Round 2
Objectives:
- Make something of their last gasp chance to be a top dog.

Said it back in 2008, saying it again now. The Celtics moves to get Kevin Garnett and Ray Allen to play alongside Paul Piece were brilliant, but they were also extremely short-sighted. That was an all-in and Boston hit the flush on the river, snagging the '08 Title. And in the past two years they have suffered through a litany of injuries, are lacking in the youth department. They don't have any significant money to be a player in the upcoming free agency class, thanks to the silly cash they threw at Rasheed Wallace (Imaginary Editor's Note: Sheed's only real accomplishment of the season? Becoming relevant again so I could yell "Cut That Check" at people). Between Garnett's knees, and Pierce and Allen's body, this team is out of time and out of IcyHot after these playoffs.

When they are clicking on all cylinders, I like these guys to put the fear of God in anyone, including the LeBrons. But, if they don't make noise this season, it proves that 2008 was an all-or-nothing flash of greatness that is going to leave this team muddling around the 35-40 win mark, if that, in a couple of seasons. When the "Big Three" succumb to injury and age, this squad id left with its younger contingent - Rajon Rondo (All-Star for at least the next six seasons in a row), Kendrick Perkins (role-playing starting center who is an offensive liability), Nate Robinson (head case) Glen Davis (inconsistent) and Marquis Daniels (he's got dreads, no one else in the city of Boston does, and that's all anyone knows about him). Rondo jumps ship and Boston is back to a perennial non-entity, so they need to show something here to keep their fan base from going all kinds of funny-accent crazy in the next five seasons.

No. 5 Miami Heat
Regular Season: 47-35
Last Year: Lost to Atlanta By Seven in Round 1
Objectives:
- Keep Dwayne Wade/Recruit another Max Free Agent

It was the best of times it was the worst of times. Things are pretty cut-and-dry in Miami. The Heat have the same issue as the Cavs, Dwayne Wade needs a second weapon to work with if the Heat are going to ever make a Finals Run again. A starting five of Carlos Arroyo, Michael Beasley, Joel Anthony/Jermaine O'Neal and Quentin Richardson does not a champion make.

So Miami can do one of two things: Strike the death blow to an aging Celtics squad and setup a superstar Wade-LBJ match up in Round 2 that entices a max free agent big man (Bosh, Amar'e or even David Lee) to say "They're one piece away from being a top-tier team. I'm that piece! And they have lots of money! I like money!" Cue Will Smith singing that dumb ass bubble gum rap song he wrote about Miami four score and seven years ago and Wade's got a partner and the Heat are scary again.
OR....
Wade and company get waxed by a (when healthy) vastly superior Boston team and Chicago takes Cleveland 12 rounds in their series, enticing Wade to team up with Derrick Rose this Summer and make the Bulls scary again.

Either way I lose, because two of the three teams I grew up hating likely start next year with a guy named Dwayne Wade on their team. Thankfully, God is Good, and the Pacers still suck.

No. 6 Milwaukee Bucks
Regular Season: 46-36
Last Year: Did not make playoffs
Objectives:
- Survive as long as they can and become Cinderella fodder.

Unfortunately, any and all fun story lines for this time were broken into little bits and pieces along with Andrew Bogut's arm ... and elbow ... and shoulder. Christ, that was a horrific injury wasn't it? That was like Quentin Tarantino death scene horrific. I think if I listened to "Stuck In The Middle With You" and brandished a switchblade while watching that Bogut crash and burn, it might make more sense....

I digress. No Bogut. No Mike Redd, and this team still grabbed the six seed. The reward? A Hawks squad they absolutely won't beat. If they finished fifth and faced off with Boston in a "Thank God for Obama care" battle of the Walking Wounded, it would have been fun. If Milwaukee had any money to give anyone in this free agent class, it would have been fun. Their only real hope for the off-season? Scare Atlanta, and by scare I mean at least make this thing go six games, and maybe find a way to entice the Grizzlies into a sign-and-trade with Rudy Gay for Redd, because that boy can't stay healthy. "Fear The Deer!"

No. 7 Charlotte Bobcats
Regular Season: 44-38
Last Year: Did not qualify
Objectives:
- Crap. They're trying to screw with my premise here...

No. Charlotte doesn't have a storyline. They made the playoffs, and they are going to soon punt Michael Jordan back to retirement because he's a dumpster fire of a general manager. But that's really the only storyline. They could go on a crazy run and win the title if aliens attack the Looney Tunes again and steal the skills of LeBron James, Kobe Bryant, Dwight Howard, Amar'e Stoudemire, Jason Kidd, Steve Nash, Deron Williams, and Carmelo Anthony for Space Jam 2 ... but that's about it. The Bobcats ARE NOT going to beat the Magic. Period. This is a 16 vs. 1 in the NCAA Tournament, and the 'Cats don't really have much to do this off-season in terms of a free agency. Thank You Michael Jordan once again. You ruined the Ewing-era Knicks and my childhood, and now you're fucking up my first blog back in months. I despise you.

No. 8 Chicago Bulls
Regular Season: 41-41
Last Season: Lost to Boston 4-3 in Round 1
Objectives:
- Look good enough to entice a big name in the off-season

Joakim Noah can talk big. Derrick Rose can play big, and if the Bulls can keep playing the Cavs tough like they did in Game 2 of their series Monday night, they will be far and away the team with the biggest upside entering the 2010 Free Agent sweepstakes with big money.

Chicago has the easiest way to do it too. They don't have to win a series. They aren't supposed to beat Cleveland. They just need to take two games, scare them, convince someone like Joe Johnson that they have the chops to be a top four team in the East next year and can be a title contender for years to come (they can/they do). Rose and Noah are both young, extremely talented guys and Taj Gibson is one of the more under-appreciated rookies this season. Also, lets not forget, former Texas A&M standout Acie Law is on this squad, and he could explode at any season. You put a Bosh here and move Gibson to the Sixth man role (which, admittedly, would hurt Noah's growth) or put Joe Johnson in place of Deng, and you have a seriously terrifying team here. The Bulls just need to win two games, or even win one and hang tough in the others, to make that terror a reality.

Tomorrow, we'll hit up the Western Conference plot lines, and I'll have some random musings from the first few days of the playoffs, including a litany of insults for Quentin Richardson.

Til Then
- James